A while back it occurred to me that I never do much for myself, I am forever the best of everything to everyone. Like most woman who I know I am actively employed in the service of others , with work hours that are never-ending and remuneration that’s irregular but makes me feel great in the form of “thank you” and the occasional actual money (and oh how some camps love it!).
In an inspired moment, I thought OK I will take myself out on a date for a change. No sooner had I made the decision than I was beset with the guilt of all that I would be leaving unattended and ofcourse, the unbearable thought of how everything would simply fall apart without me there! The very notion of being replaceable was simply too much to deal with. Nonetheless after many “reasons” why I could not go on this planned date, curiosity got the better of me and in the end I went.
First decision….what kind of date? Lunch seemed safer (after all a lone lady at night can raise eyebrows and my brave-o-meter is simply not there YET!)
With that settled I planned all the delicious things I would do and did. The most surprising adventure of the day was the reaction of the waiter in this particular restaurant I went to. The gentleman in question is tall dark and definitely temperature raising with what I decided was a Barry White kinda voice. He asks “how come a lady like yourself is out alone, is there no mister”? AHEM….slience. After recovering from the semi-stunned brain exile I thought oh! hang-on this is unusual right after I felt like I should explain my lack of ‘otherness’ in the picture. I did not offer the tempting explanation, instead I simply smiled and said “do I need someone all the time”? You can imagine the blush and my secret feeling of victory!
Here is what I learned about that day and myself:
There is no awkward silence and furtive glances wondering who is going to start the conversation!
Creating little moments of magic for yourself helps especially when it seems there’s less of it in your world.
Going out alone is liberating (right after you get over the anxiety)
It offers one a fresh perspective on things and lets you secretly gaze at all the fabulous people you can’t look at when with the ‘other’.
It an act of great care and compassion towards yourself
best of all, there is no one to rush you and can spend absolute hours lost in your self.
if time is in short supply, a small act such as plugging in some music or going for a walk has the exact same effect.
Life in motion 